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Getting out of my own way

February 4, 2011

It’s no secret that I was in & out of therapy from 2005 to 2009. In that time, I saw 4 different therapists. The first was Katie, whom I adored. If it wasn’t for her, I’m not sure I would have made it through my last semester of college. Even with seeing her on a weekly basis, and eventually getting sent to a nutritionist, I dropped weight like crazy and weighed around 95 pounds when I graduated. I shudder to think what I might have looked like if I hadn’t made a conscious effort to eat more. After graduation, we moved to closer to home and I started seeing a new therapist. I can’t remember her name so we’ll call her #2. #2 wasn’t very good. She was actually pretty crappy (haha).

I stopped going because it seemed pointless and when I started back I found Dr. S. I saw him every other week for over a year and a half and he was great. He’s the one that helped me finally deal with all the issues that I had stuffed under a rug for so many years. Then he had some health problems and had to close his practice. At our last appointment he told me that he thought I was great and that I would have no trouble doing everything I want to do, if I can just manage to get out of my own way. Years later, Rascal Flatts recorded “Every day” which sums up how I feel about Chris, especially when things get bad. A piece of the song goes “I drive myself trying to stay out of my own way” which is so true of me. I manage to screw things up royally because I’m constantly tripping over myself when I overanalyze and overthink everything.

So I’ve decided that one of my goals for 2011 is to work on staying out of my own way. There are so many things in life that I decided years ago that I couldn’t do for one reason or another. I’m just now starting to take another look at those things that I’ve long written off as impossible for myself and realizing that this is part of what Dr. S. meant about getting out of my way.

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